Please Answer My Questions

 “Alexa, notifications.”

“Good morning, Dean. There are no new notifications.

I noticed you recently purchased some paper clips. Please review your purchase.

Your review will help us inform other shoppers just like you.”

“ Let’s Start by rating it. Please choose one of the following. Five stars—These are the best paperclips in the world. Four stars—I really like these paperclips. Three stars—They’re okay. Two stars—Do they come in different colors? One star—I want paperclips made in America.

 “4 Stars”, I answered.

“Thank you.”

To help us better serve our customers, please answer the following questions by choosing the answer that best corresponds to how you feel about paper clips.

The reason I bought these paperclips was to One -clip loose papers together, Two-pit cherries, Three- shoot paperclips from rubber bands. Four- clean my ears.

 

 “All of the above. “ I answered.

“How often do you purchase paper clips?” Alexa asked. One -when I run out of them. Two- when I can’t steal them at work. Three-when the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars. Four-  what person in their right mind would remember when they last bought paperclips

 

 “ Well, duh! When I run out of them. One.” I answered.

 Thank you for participating in this online survey, Dean. We see you also bought legal pads and rubber bands from us, and we’d like to know how that worked out. To provide, goto www.I’vegotnothingbettertodowithmypoorpatheticlifethantofanswerdumbconsumersurveys.com. If we receive your responses within the next two days, you will be put on a special list to receive additional surveys on commonplace consumer items for the rest of your life. FYI: You will not be charged for this service.