DDIY

Having recently retired, I had a lot of time, so I decided to remodel my spare bathroom. It had not been touched in over twenty-five years. I pride myself on being pretty handy, so I didn’t think it would be a problem.

The bathroom was just ugly. It had been wallpapered with the most obnoxious paper, large pink flowers with green ivy entwined around them. The toilet was pink and meant for a midget, and it took a while to fill. The vanity was homemade from what looked like scrap wood stained in an olive green with a pink sink inserted. Thankfully, the floor was a neutral grey ceramic tile and wouldn’t need replacing.

I decided to start by removing the wallpaper. After researching, I found that the best way to accomplish this was to steam it off. I got into my truck, headed to Taylor Rental, and rented a steamer. After an hour of steaming, I had only removed a two-square-foot area. I’m pretty sure it had been installed with super glue. Undaunted, I retrieved a wide chisel from my shop and vigorously scraped it off. It took me four hours, and I was left with walls that had numerous gouges. I went to the hardware store and purchased some plaster putty. Returning to my project, I repaired the gouges and sanded them smoothly…first job done.

The toilet was next. With a wrench, I turned the water off and removed the coupling. An element of water started to leak out. I thought it was just excess water coming out of the toilet. Then, out of the blue, the pipe popped off. The water pressure caused this, and suddenly, I had a six-foot fountain of water going all over my bathroom. Panic set in quickly, and the floor soon turned into a swimming pool. I got my finger in the pipe to stop it, which caused my fountain to get even higher and soak me.

I eventually managed to stop the water, and everything was soaked. I had an inch of water on the floor. It wasn’t amusing then, but when I think about it now, I laughed a lot about my panic and the fact that I looked like a drowned rat. I decided to quit for the day.

The following day, I got into my truck and drove to Home Depot, where I spent an hour picking out a new highboy, low-flush toilet. I remembered I would need a new wax seal, so I purchased one,

Returning home, I removed the old toilet and unpacked the new one. I replaced the wax seal, placed it over the opening, and screwed it down. I dragged the new toilet over and put it over the opening. Nothing lined up. The mounting bolts were not even close. No matter how hard I tried, it just wouldn’t fit. Frustrated, I left it and turned my attention to the vanity.

I disconnected the water source to the sink, ensuring it didn’t leak. I couldn’t remove the sink as the clamps holding it had rusted. At this point, I had lost all patience. Rather than fiddle with the clamps, I took a hammer and smashed the ceramic sink into pieces, cleaning up the mess and adding it to the pile of trash I had created outside. The vanity was easy to remove because it was not secured but free-standing. I dragged it from the bathroom into the garage and measured its length, width, and depth. Remembering the adage, “measure twice.” I confirmed my measurement, hopped into the truck, and returned to Home Depot. I found a right-sized vanity with an installed sink and returned home.

I unpacked the vanity and slid it into place. I proceeded to hook up the plumbing, but the connector to the water source was of a different diameter. So, another trip to the hardware store for a step-down fitting! I finished installing the sink and vanity and stood back admiring my work. Unfortunately, the vanity was higher than the previous one, having not measured the height of the old one,  and it covered up half the electrical outlet. Could anything else go wrong? There was no chance I would get involved with electrical work.

I was at a standstill, so I called a plumber and an electrician, ignoring my reluctance. The plumber could not make it for several weeks, and the electrician succumbed to my pleading and said he would come in a few days.

I decided I might as well paint the bathroom walls. This didn’t take long using a roller.

“I take my painting very seriously. So, before painting the bathroom door, I took off the door handle rather than taping around it. But when I closed the door and heard the lock click, I realized I had left the latch in the door. ‘No need to panic,’ I thought to myself.
 

“I’ll fit the handle back into the door – but the latch wouldn’t catch. I tried to pull back the latch manually, but it wouldn’t budge. Then I used my nail punch and hammer to remove the hinges – a sure bet – but the door was so tight in the frame I couldn’t budge it. There I was, trapped in my bathroom.

“Escaping through the window wasn’t an option because it did not exist. Mild panic fuelled a couple of karate kicks that split that hollow-core door into splinters. I think I’ll paint the new door before I hang it.”

Ultimately, the plumber and electrician did their job, to the tune of $340.00 total, and the bathroom was finished.

All in all, it was DDIY job. Don’t Do It Yourself.