Food Storage Containers and Dogs

                                                  

I have devised a solution to controlling the hundreds of plastic food containers that have filled every nook and cranny of our kitchen cabinets and pantry – dogs.

Vermonters save everything. It is genetically embedded in their soul. My wife is not a Vermonter but fits the mold and refuses to throw away plastic food containers.

There are other reasons we have so many containers. There was a time when I opened a container in the refrigerator and found just one pea – one pea! When I brought the subject up to my wife, she said, "Well, waste not want not. I'm going to make soup soon." My wife also refuses to cut down on the size of the meals she cooks, thus necessitating containers to house our "leftovers."

I can't find "real" food in our refrigerator. There are 30 containers with everything from 7-day-old pizza to yesterday's leftover chili. These containers are stacked on each other, sometimes precariously balanced, so they fall out on the floor when the refrigerator door is opened. They are jammed into every open space, forcing the "real" food to the back. To make matters worse and align with my wife's philosophy of "waste not want not," many containers are free from the deli. Do you know why the price label is positioned over the lip of the closed container? It is because that label is holding the lid on, and without it, the food would spill out because the lid never really fits. Well, you get my point.

For a while, I entertained myself by trying to match the tops to the bottoms of the hundreds of plastic storage containers my wife keeps in our corner space-saving Lazy Susan cabinet. Sometimes, when you spin the thing, the containers fall over, jamming the device. This frustrates me so much that I end up with a pile of plastic fragments because I refuse to crawl into the "dark hole of the back recess" of this cabinet and instead force the thing to spin until it has freed itself, crushing many containers. I call it the "Law of Diminishing Containers." This was one way that I used to get rid of some of them.

I have also tried scare tactics. I researched "plastic food containers" and found numerous articles about the danger of using plastic to store food. She wasn't scared as she did her research and countered every argument I came up with. One good thing that came out of this research that she both agreed with is that plastic containers with recycle numbers 3 & 7 cause warts in mice. So, I am now able to weed those out of our collection. It was still a losing battle – Dean 10, Wife 2,615.

I've strayed; let's get to the subject of this article… dogs and food storage containers.

I have found a solution to my problem, and my two Labradors have inspired me. My first solution was not to pre-rinse the food from the container before placing it in the dishwasher. After putting that container in the dishwasher, leave the door open so the dogs will catch the scent of the food and eat the container. This was a bad idea because the vet bills to remove a bit of plastic from their digestive tracks were expensive, and they weren't thrilled about the visit.

 I stopped doing that, but it gave me another idea – if you can't control the containers, maybe you could control what they are used for and cut down on their need. Here's what you do. You do need a dog. I'm unsure if a pet gerbil, cat, or parrot will suffice, but chickens might since they will peck at anything. There are two techniques.

Firstly, when your wife isn't looking, feed some of tonight's meal to your dog (s), remarking, "Boy, what a great meal I think I will have seconds." Sometimes, you can eliminate most or all potential leftovers this way.

Secondly, if the leftovers have managed to survive this technique and have made it into a refrigerator container, try this, especially when told, "Make sure you eat the leftovers." When she has left the premises, remove one of the containers, spoon a little of the food on a plate, spread it around, and leave it in the sink. Then, draw a good portion of the food and feed it to the dogs, hopefully emptying the container, which you will then lay beside the plate in the sink. The timing is critical, so hurry up and cook or make your "real" meal and devour it, leaving no evidence – pots, pans, dishes, etc. When she returns and sees the plate and container in the sink, she says, "Wow, I liked that dinner so much I finished the leftovers." You will have accomplished two things - you have complimented your wife's cooking by eating "seconds" and devouring the leftovers. You have eliminated the use of one of those annoying containers. It's a win-win situation.