First, check the back of your closet or a bureau drawer for something bought or given to you before 2015, the year Trump started to run for president, the wristwatch that merely tells time; shoes; a jacket, shirt, or sweater that never matched anything What man doesn’t still have a shirt that needs to be tucked in, and what woman didn’t keep a sweater with shoulders for a chilly day? That’s what you’ll wear to feel Trumpless.
Then, for breakfast, including toast, a croissant, or a muffin that contains gluten, followed by coffee that hasn’t been decaffeinated. Lunch could be a salad without kale. The dietary rules aren’t at all strict. For your Trumpless day, don’t order a hamburger. It’s his favorite meal. Try to stay away from Diet Coke and chocolate cake, and never use ketchup. All four will remind you of what you’re avoiding.
Buy a printed newspaper and read it in a public space, like a train or a park. If you live in a small town, you can find a metropolitan paper with separate sections. At first, newspapers may be somewhat hard to handle because they don’t fit into your palm and often need folding back and forth. Once you adapt to it, you’ll be saved from swiping up and down. Start your Trumpless day with the business section, the entertainment reviews, sports, and the tech news, ignoring the front page and the National news section. If you drop the newspaper or lose it, that doesn’t matter. You can replace it inexpensively, and there will be no worries about personal information in it. After you buy a newspaper, it can’t be hacked.
After breakfast, look for that National Geographic Adventure issue you saved, hoping you’ll eventually visit Yellowstone to see the famous geyser. Then, enjoy a morning watching a romantic comedy on Hulu, whether or not you find it.
For lunch, try a ham and cheese sandwich. Please stay away from tuna fish, as it supposedly smells like Trump.
Play a CD of cool jazz, Joan Baez, in the afternoon or ask Alexa for the top hits of 2000-14 if you gave your CD player to Goodwill.
Another thing you can do on a Trumpless day is to write a letter. Writing by hand isn’t necessary, but the letter has to be at least two paragraphs long and requires an envelope, a stamp on the top right corner, and your return address on the top left. The recipient will be delighted, especially if they were born a generation or two before you.
For dinner, dine with friends you’ve known for years, and when they ask a question about Yellowstone, answer it before they can look it up on the Google app. You’ll have a memorable evening.
If there’s time on the weekend, go to a store and buy something you don’t need, like another tool or pair of shoes. If you need to return whatever you purchased, you don’t have to pack it in the original packaging and send it back by UPS. Brick-and-mortar stores don’t deduct return postage.
After shopping, consider going to a movie that is not yet streaming. You may need to stand in line for a few minutes, but that’s no longer the problem it used to be. Going to a movie counts for your Trumpless Day because he isn’t yet on that giant screen.
If it’s a beautiful day, check the snow level and consider a ski holiday. Or if you live in a warm climate, play a few sets of tennis or take a walk on the beach. For a thoroughly Trumpless day, avoid golf at all times. Not a beautiful day? If it’s raining or snowing, read a book. Though it’s not easy to find one that isn’t about what you’re escaping, choose a mystery. Even sci-fi will work if it deals with life on another planet.
Finally, you can never watch or listen to TV or radio news. If you are on Facebook, Twitter, or other social media sites and someone mentions Trump, unfriend or block them, even if it is a relative.
In reality, since Trump has infiltrated all aspects of our lives, there is nothing you can do to wipe Trump from your life entirely except stay in bed with the lights off all day.
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