Impossible Vegetarian

 "You met anybody worthwhile lately?" Claire asked her daughter Susan.  "You're out there on all the apps, right?"

"I wouldn't exactly say 'out there.'  More like hanging back, but potentially curious," said Susan.

"Okay, so anyone you're potentially curious about?"

"I don't know.  It seems like something weird is going on in cyberspace," said Claire with a shrug.  "It doesn't matter if I'm on Bumble, Tinder, or Match.  All the guys they show me are fixated on red meat.  They make a point of saying they love steak or eating a whole side of ribs."

"Your profile says you're vegetarian, right?" asked Claire.

"Yeah, I even say it's important to me.  But all I get is this lineup of Neanderthals who want to cook up a kill."

"Maybe you should pick one you like and give him a try.  You never know.  A lot of guys don't think about what they're eating.  If you educate them, they might be willing to make a change for the right girl."

"Yeah, I guess," replied Susan skeptically.  "Kinda seems like getting off on the wrong foot, though."

"You're not committing to marry anyone.  You're just meeting up and seeing where it goes."

"Okay, you're right.  And, like you said, there's always the chance he'll change."

Claire and her daughter scrolled through one of her accounts until they agreed on someone worth investigating.  Susan sent him a message.

Meanwhile, the guy she picked, Winston, talked to one of his friends on the other side of town.  They were complaining about their lack of success with dating apps.

"I don't know what it is, but it seems like all my potential girls are these militant vegans or vegetarians," said Winston.

"You didn't check the wrong box or something?" asked Winston's friend.

"No, not possible.  I even talk in my profile about my favorite barbecue.  Something's messed up."

 Winston's friend made a dismissive gesture.  "So why are you so worried about what they eat?"

 "Think about the first time we meet and have dinner or something.  She'll be looking at me thinking, 'How can he eat something with meat,' and I'll be looking at her thinking, 'You have no idea what you're missing, rabbit.'”

Winston’s friend answered with a long “Nah.”  “For a lot of girls, being a vegan is just a phase.  They see some actor doing it and want to do it too.  All it takes is for someone to come along and snap them out of it, and just like that, they’re back to eating bacon.”

“Yeah, I guess I could be the one to snap them back,” said Winston.

“What do you have to lose?  Pick one you think you can convert.”

Winston picked up his phone and saw the message from Susan.  “Here’s someone who just messaged me,” he said, holding up his phone so his friend could look at Susan's picture.

Winston’s friend nodded his approval and said, “I could see her eating a steak.  Go for it.”

Winston chuckled and composed what was supposed to be a charming reply message.

After some back and forth on their phones, Susan and Winston decided to meet in a park next to one of Vermont's many lakes.  The plan was to walk around the lake and decide where to go for dinner.  Built into the plan was an easy escape hatch for both of them.  If they felt things were not going well, one could say they were not hungry or had made unexpected evening plans with other friends.

On the evening of their meetup, Susan wore a cute summer dress with matching shoes.  She put a lot of thought into picking the shoes.  She wanted them to be comfortable enough for plenty of walking but formal enough so it did not look like she viewed the meetup as a gym trip.

Winston debated within himself whether or not he should wear shorts.  Eventually, he put on some slacks and a shirt.  It was an outfit he would describe as business casual, as he tried to walk the line between looking too eager and too standoffish.

It was a warm, late summer evening.  Gold reflections sparkled from the lake where Susan and Winston were supposed to meet.  They immediately recognized each other at a fountain in the nearby park.

“You look nice,” Winston said to Susan.

“So do you,” she replied.

Both were sincere with their compliments.  They naturally gravitated toward the lake and chatted easily as they strolled.  Winston asked about Susan's job and found out they both worked in human resources for tech companies.  Susan asked about hobbies and free time.

“I’m not sure it qualifies as a hobby, but I’m slowly renovating my house,” said Winston.  “Well, renovating may be too strong of a word.  It’s more like a bunch of do-it-yourself projects strung together.”

“Ha, me too,” said Susan.  “I’m doing bathroom tile right now.”

“Ah, tile,” replied Winston with a sympathetic laugh.  “The smaller they are, the harder it is to keep them straight.”

“Totally.  I wish I would have started with bigger squares.  But I don’t want you to think I’m laying tile day and night.  I’m a lot happier binge-watching some shows.”

Winston chuckled and said, “Hey, same here.  Have you seen anything good lately?”

They compared their viewing histories and found they had remarkably similar tastes.  When Winston recommended a few things she had not seen, Erica fully intended to investigate them.

After a mile of walking, Winston and Erica were already making self-deprecating jokes.  When meeting a potential romantic partner, the walls typically in place had already cracked and fallen.  In the back of their minds, both thought that the computer algorithm that had matched them up had to be on to something.  It was almost spooky.

Winston was eager to move to the next phase in their plan.  “So I’m still up for dinner if you are,” he said to Susan.

“Definitely,” she replied.  She already felt like she could speak pretty openly with Winston.  “We just need to pick a place.  So your profile talked a lot about barbecue.  Are you one of those guys who has to have a big piece of meat for every meal?”

Winston laughed and did not take Susan's question as an attack.  “I don’t think I have to eat lots of meat.  But if I think about it, I guess most of my meals have some meat.  What about you?  I know you’re a vegetarian, but does that mean you can’t stand the sight of a chicken bone?”

Susan laughed in return.  “I’m not sure that’s a practical way to live.”

“And you’re not leading anti-cow rallies?” asked Winston with a grin.

“I’m pro-cow, just not for dinner.”

“I’ve heard of some vegetarians where their rules depended on the day of the week.  Like they would only eat meat on the weekends, or they would only eat chicken on days that had an R in them.”

Susan took Winston’s gentle teasing in stride.  “No, I’m in it seven days a week.”

“And you’re sure it’s not a quick fad?  Have you been into it for longer than a month?”

“Three years so far,” said Susan.  “But it’s not like we can’t choose a restaurant that we both will like.  These days, almost everyone has some vegetarian options.”

“That’s true,” replied Winston with a grin.  “I know a steakhouse you’re going to love absolutely.”

Susan replied with a sarcastic, “Ha, ha.”  Then she had an unexpected idea.  She only brought it up because she felt so oddly comfortable with Winston.  “This is going to sound crazy, but have you heard about those Impossible Burgers at Burger King?”

“Yeah, I think so,” said Winston.

“Fast food is not my idea of a great meal, but I’ve been curious to try those burgers.  They’re supposed to taste like beef but be plant-based.  I’d love to hear the opinion of a meat expert.”

Winston shrugged his shoulders.  “I guess I’m up for it.  But remember, this is your idea.  I wanted to go somewhere really expensive.”

They both laughed about the idea as they walked back to their cars.  Susan kept thinking that she could prove to Winston he did not need real meat in every meal.  At the same time, Winston figured he could tell the difference between cow and plant burgers.  But he was also hoping it tasted just enough like the real thing that it would trigger Susan's food memory.  It might be enough to knock her off the wagon or get her back on the wagon, whichever way he wanted to use the analogy.

The pair drove separately to the nearest Burger King.

“I knew I should have worn shorts,” said Winston as he held the door open for Susan.  “You have to let at least me pay since you got to choose the place.”

“We’ll probably talk about this for a long time,” joked Susan.  She used her phone to snap a picture of the store’s interior in case it proved to be a milestone location.

“We’ll take two Impossible Burgers,” said Winston when they reached the counter.

“You wanna make that a meal?” asked the Burger King employee.

“Sure, we’re sparing no expense tonight,” said Winston.  “Bring out your best fries and drinks.”

When they had their trays of food, Winston and Susan found an open corner table and sat across from each other.  As they unwrapped their Impossible Burgers, Winston said, “Okay, here’s to your grand experiment.”

Susan was the first to bite into her burger.  The patty was unlike the usual veggie burger patties she was used to.  It looked like ground beef instead of a combination of soybeans and vegetables.  It also had the chewy texture of a real hamburger.  And the taste instantly took her back three years to a backyard grill.  She pictured her family.  Her dad was flipping sizzling hamburger circles.  She could smell the smoke rising from juicy meat.

Susan casually said to Winston, “Pretty good.  What do you think?”

Winston had several bites into his burger.  It did not taste 100% like the real thing, but it was surprisingly close.  He nodded his head approvingly and dipped his fries in catchup.

“I don’t get the point when you’ve got meat right there next to it,” said Winston, “but I admit it’s pretty decent.”

“If you were blindfolded, could you tell the difference between that and the real thing?” asked Susan.

“Yes, if it was before drinking any beer,” replied Winston, chuckling.  “After a few beers, probably not.”

Susan and Winston happily finished their burgers and then their fries.  They sat at their table discussing their little food experiment, and then the conversation turned back to TV shows and funny office politics in their respective human resources departments.  They each returned to the soda fountain for drink refills.

There was mutual agreement that the first meeting had gone very well, although both were surprised they had ended up in a Burger King.  Before they said goodbye, they agreed they would have to reunite.  They left the details sketchy.  It would probably be the following weekend and involve a nicer restaurant.  And they would only need one car.  Messages would be exchanged to set it all up.

Susan returned home excited about Winston.  As it got later and she prepared to sleep, she thought less about Winston and more about the Impossible Burger.  She was not usually a person to have food cravings, but the taste kept returning.  She stayed awake thinking about it and even contemplated getting dressed and finding a late-night Burger King drive-thru.

The next day, Susan was back at Burger King for lunch.  She ordered another Impossible Burger and kept asking herself whether it tasted like a real hamburger.  She was alone but looked around the restaurant to ensure no one she knew was watching.  She had already started the experiment. What was the harm in taking it a tiny bit further?  She snuck up to the counter and ordered a regular hamburger.

Susan nibbled the hamburger at first.  The taste was similar to the Impossible Burger, but the meat was wonderfully satisfying.  She could not understand the craving.  It came from a place deep inside.  She finished the real burger.

As for Winston, the day after their date, he still thought a lot about Susan.  He was also thinking about his Impossible Burger.  Before eating it for dinner, he had a very light breakfast and lunch.  He realized he had not had any meat for 24 hours.  He felt surprisingly energetic and somehow lighter.  Was he feeling excitement over meeting Erica, or was it related to what he had eaten? 

Since he had started Susan's little experiment, he figured he might as well keep it up a little longer.  He, too, returned to a Burger King for another Impossible Burger for lunch.  He enjoyed it the second time, and his energized feeling continued.  He decided to try a few more changes to his diet.  After all, there were now lots of ways to add some variety without sacrificing taste.

By two weeks after the Impossible Burger meetup, Susan had rediscovered more than a hamburger.  She had eaten a delicious chicken sandwich, dry-rubbed barbecue, and bacon on a sandwich.

At the same time, Winston had tried different kinds of veggie patties.  As Susan had said, most restaurants offered vegetarian-friendly items, and he ordered from that selection.  He was sure that he felt lighter, healthier, and more alert.

The much anticipated second date never materialized.  First, Susan was busy, and then something unexpected came up, and Winston had to cancel.  The absolute truth, however, was that they felt a little hypocritical and were afraid of hearing, “I told you so” from the other person.  They had both changed their profiles on the dating apps.  Susan's profile now read that she was “rediscovering steak.”  Winston listed himself as being “fueled by plant-based protein.”