You Are Not Welcome

         We have several signs around our property that say things like, “Do Not Enter,” “Beware of Dog,” “No Trespassing,” “If you can read this, you’re in range,” “No Soliciting,” “Smile, you’re on camera,” etc. It’s a country home. It’s rural. We have a dog, signs, cameras, guns, and a half-mile-long gravel driveway. We are NOT “solicitor-friendly.”

        I noticed that the cameras were occasionally alerting on the driveway with a red sedan, maybe once a week or so. A guy would walk to the door, knock, and then leave when there was no answer. He never left a card or anything.

        Usually, if I’m out on the property, on my lawnmower, or working in the garden, I’ll have a gun on my hip to deal with snakes or other wildlife. It is Vermont, and there are no laws about carrying a weapon, open or concealed.

        Two Jehova Witnesses once ignored all my warnings and stopped at the house. Rather than go off on a rant and tell them to leave, I just said that I was a Jehova Witness as a child and that later I was Disfellowshipped. They left without saying a word.

        On another occasion, I was at the house. There was a knock, so I opened the door. I just got in for lunch and wore muck boots, flannel, dirty jeans… and a gun. A holstered gun that was never touched. Not once.

Me: *Matter-of-factly* “Can I help you?”

This poor lad turned five shades of white.

Man: “I- I’m s-s-so sorry t-to disturb y-you!”

And he retreated quicker than a rabbit.

Thirty minutes later, a local deputy knocked on the door.

Deputy: “We got a report that you pulled a gun and threatened someone who came here.”

        He knew me and knew that wouldn’t happen unless unavoidably necessary. My cameras showed only outside the house, not anyone inside the house at the door, so they didn’t show me. My cameras did, however, show this dimwit blowing past multiple signs warning people not to enter the property and him doing so anyway. The officer laughed, we chatted a while, and he left.

        There have been no further uninvited visitors, and I still don’t know what he wanted.