Over or Under, Thick or Thin

   

Nothing is more contentious in a household than the great toilet paper debate, especially when there is a difference of opinion.

How do you orient your toilet paper? Over, under, don’t care at all? At first thought, this subject might be brushed off as trivial; however, it could have psychological implications that are anything but.

Evidently, some studies suggest that the answer is more than coincidence. For instance, people who orient their rolls “over” are more organized and characterized as over-achievers. The remaining people are the “unders,” who are characterized as “laid-back,” “artistic,” and “dependable.” This could mean many things.

At any rate, next time you are at a friend’s house, pay attention to the toilet paper roll. It might divulge the secrets of someone's personality. Then again, it might not mean shit!

I’m not sure I agree with the study; I don’t care. I’m an “over” user because it just makes sense. For instance, if you are under and swipe up, there is a good chance the whole roll could come loose, fall on the floor, and roll away. Now you have to make a decision if you can’t reach it. Do you stand up to retrieve it or call for help? Either decision could be very embarrassing.

Another problem is if you are too exuberant and swipe too fast, the leading edge can get wrapped up on the roll in a tangled mess. This requires you to remove the whole roll to untangle it. Neither of these problems happens when you are an “over.” One solution might be to mount two rolls of paper, one over and one under.

Toilet paper comes in various thicknesses_ one-ply, two-ply, and three-ply. Americans use 8.6 sheets of toilet paper per trip to the bathroom, according to a study by Charmin. According to them, 330 sheets of paper are on a single-ply roll so that you can make approximately 38 trips to the bathroom. I didn’t believe this, so I experimented myself.

The results…

…when using single-ply paper, you use about ten sheets, but since it usually tears and does a poor job, you need 30 sheets. It is also not very soft and can cause a rash. You would then be able to visit the bathroom ten times per roll. Single-ply toilet paper costs about 81 cents per roll, so the net cost per trip is 8.1 cents.

…when using three-ply paper, you use six sheets of paper. You would only need 12 sheets total. It is softer, stronger, and does a much better job. Since three-ply rolls usually have 100 sheets, you can visit the bathroom eight times per roll. Triple-ply toilet paper costs $1.10 per roll, so the net cost per trip becomes 13.2 cents.

Extrapolating that data for one person, assuming two trips per day, then single-ply paper would cost $59.39 annually. On the other hand, a three-ply would cost $94.90 per year, twice as expensive. So, it boils down to comfort.

Another aspect of toilet paper that is rarely spoken about is that about 10,000,000 trees are needed to supply the world with toilet paper. With an average of 182 trees per acre, 54,945 acres are required to fulfill the demand. Remember that 70% of the world's population does not use toilet paper. There are alternatives to paper.

Of course, there is always a bidet, a bowl that uses a water spray to clean yourself. I once used one of those gadgets. I wasn’t sure it did a good job because there was no way I could see. The problem was that I was very wet, and I looked around for something to dry off with. There was nothing available, so I had two choices. I could sit there and air-dry or walk around with wet stains on my pants; it was easy to decide this was not an alternative. Being eco-minded, I also tried bamboo toilet paper. I decided that 80-grit sandpaper was better and cheaper.

A single-ply roll in my bathrooms is always installed for “under” use. I keep a three-ply roll, hidden and within easy reach.