You Are Important To Us

"This is the Emergency Room at Bayview Hospital.  If you are male, please press 1. If you are female, press 2.  If you are neither, press 3.

 Hi. This is the male Transfer Dept. of Bayview Hospital. If you are bleeding but not dying and your white cell count is over 400, please press 411. If your count is below 400, press 26791. If you are dying, press 463997823434 now.

 Hi, this is the Life Threatening Unit of Bayview Hospital. If your injury involves any limb, please press 3542534. If your injury is internal, press 31 now.

 Hi, this is the Male, below 400, Life-Threatening, Limb Dept. of Bayview Hospital. We are at lunch right now, but your message is important to us. At the tone, please leave your message or press 0 to return to the beginning of this recorded message. Thank you, and remember, you are important to us."