The Battle Of Nashville

 

Returning to college after Spring Break, I stopped at Stucky’s Restaurant for coffee. The trip from Boston to Nashville was seventeen hours, and I was tired and needed a pick-me-up. While waiting in line, I noticed a spinning rack that contained a selection of bumper stickers. They were an example of the South’s inability to accept they had lost the Civil War and the way of life in the South. One read, “If Your Heart Is Not In Dixie, Get Your Ass Out,” while another read.” Southern Raised, Jesus Saved”. Thus, it was my mantra for choosing a college in the South.

I wasn’t looking forward to getting back. My fraternity was put on probation because of a stunt several members and I had done before our break.

My fraternity, Sigma Chi, was next to the Kappa Alpha fraternity, whose spiritual founder was Robert E. Lee. Its members were dyed in the wool and inveterate Southerners. A Confederate Flag flew from the entrance, and a portrait of Lee was in the front hall. On the other hand, my fraternity was the jock fraternity, and more than half of my brothers were from the North. To say we didn’t get along was an understatement.

One of the irritating traditions of their fraternity was firing off a canon anytime a member gave their fraternity pin to one of the many “southern Belles” that attended the school. This was always done at midnight; the sound would rattle our windows and wake everyone up. In addition, they had several antebellum-themed events during the year, mostly with the members wearing Confederate uniforms, especially during their annual Old South parade on the campus.

One night, after several shots of Jack Daniels whiskey, three brothers and I decided we had to do something. The idea of pouring cement down the barrel of the canon was considered but nixed because someone might get hurt. We then decided to disrupt their parade, which included floats, a marching band playing Dixie, and several horseback riders carrying Confederate flags.

“I have an idea,” said Dwayne, a 250 lb. guard on the football team, “Let's raid them on horseback!"

This, of course, posed many problems. We had no horses, and none of us had ever ridden one. We didn't have any Yankee uniforms to wear and little time to prepare.

"I can take care of the horses," John, my roommate, said. "We can rent them from the riding stable in Brentwood."

I doubted that he could do that, but he did. It was expensive, and we also needed one of their stable hands to help.

"I can make the uniforms. I'll get four shirts and use Rite dye to color them dark blue." George said.

I doubted he could do that, but he did. He also found cowboy hats that he dyed as well.

The day arrived, and we assembled in a field adjacent to the parade route with horses and Stars and Stripes flags in hand. We mounted the horses and waited for the parade to come by.

Finally, the parade proceeded by being led by the band and a float with Confederate flags adorning it, followed by a dozen women dressed in antebellum gowns. Next came the riders, decked out in Confederate uniforms and carrying Confederate flags. Their sudden presence was our cue to charge them.

Dwayne started first and started galloping across the field. Unfortunately, he didn't get very far. He held on for dear life, but his horse bucked him off. Right behind him was John, running at full speed, trying to reign in his horse. He could not control the horse, and he and the horse crashed into the float. George tried to get his horse to move as best as possible, but it was more interested in grazing on the freshly mowed field. I was luckier. I rode my horse across the field, yelling at the top of my lungs. What I didn't count on was the "enemy" would turn and charge at me. It didn't go well, and I was quickly surrounded and knocked to the ground.

Shortly, the police arrived. They couldn't think of anything to charge us with except the destruction of the float that we promised to pay for. They informed the school's administration, and they, in turn, eventually put the whole fraternity on probation.

The event made the news. The Atlanta Constitution published an article describing the event. It carried the headline "The South Wins the Battle of Nashville."

Fictional Story...although we did think about exactly that.